Pet Peeve #1: Exodus 20:7

The following is my very first posting as a new contributor for Diary of Fools, the second coolest blog ever.

The reader must be warned. The following may contain offensive material. I’m assuming that I’m dealing with a very mature audience who will understand the purposefulness that I bring to this post.

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." It seems like a rather severe judgment for one who simply says "my god," don’t you think?

But I ask you, do you really, way down in the farthest depths of your soul, truly believe that God, Creator of all things, including Southpark and Hustler Magazine, really gets pissed off over something like that? If he’s cool with violent criminals repenting, allowing them passage through his pearly gates, then I think he could let “God Dammit asshole, let me pass!” or “Jesus Bloody Christ, the speed limit is 60!” or even, “God is watching you motherfucker!” slip by, right? Because, that’s just my morning commute.

And what about sex? One of the main points Jesus makes in his teachings is the importance of love, and he wasn’t talking about hugs. Believe me. And unless God is totally gay, I wouldn’t think he’d mind it so much hearing “oh god, oh god, oh god!” during an orgasmic spree of lovemaking. On a personal note, I’ve resorted to, “Oh scientific method, oh scientific method, oh scientific method, ooohh!”

First, let's assume that the traditional view is correct and you are not allowed to use God's name to curse. This leads to creative alternatives, such as "Gosh darn", "Geez" and "Jiminy Cricket". If you’re opposed to saying, “Jesus Christ” or “Oh, my God” as expletives, shouldn’t you also be opposed to the shortened versions? By saying “Oh my Gosh”, aren’t you, in a sense, promoting the very saying “Oh my god!” They mean the same thing, right? It’s like your fake Louis Vuitton designer handbag. You want to make people believe you’re fashionable or rich, just like you want to make people think you’re religiously pure. But really, you’ve just bought a shitty handbag from a sweatshop in China and you haven’t attended a church service in over two years. So, by trying not to be religiously offensive, you actually are. A rose by any other name, would smell as sweet. Ya hear.

And am I supposed to believe that by rewording something God will let you get away with it? If he’s like most guys, he’s not listening to you anyways.

Besides, God isn’t even his real name. That’s, like, saying my name is Person or Girl. Wasn't the original context of this verse a restriction on saying the name "Yahweh"?

Cursing is a gift to the English language, a gift that we have in far greater complexity than any other species on this planet. A gift most people take for granted. Cursing isn’t supposed to be a thought process. It is raw and tense emotion - allowing swearing to invoke deep and unavoidable emotional connections, whether good or bad. If you need to take the time to change “Oh my God”, to “Oh my gosh”, you really should work on finding more meaningful, less offensive words.

The third commandment is meant to restrict actions more so than words. It is broken in more ways than just a bunch of Pagans and dirty hippies screaming "God Damn it!" or "Jesus H. Christ!" Our society worships money, beauty, and power. WE say that God says this is wrong and this is right. We elect officials who profess God's name but do not live answerably to it, worshiping with their tongue and not their heart (or brain). They think they are placed there by some higher power and then they make the decision to go to war and screw the poor. I think that every time we are acting with prejudice, we are taking Yahweh’s name in vain.