It’s no doubt they do considering what they’ve just gone through. Still, who would think they’d come out looking like an old man, all scrunched up and wrinkly-like. And who, in their right mind, would think anyone would want to look at hundreds of pictures of their ugly little alien creature?
First, it’s the cat lady filling up my inbox with pictures of her cats wearing bibs and booties, next its friends popping out monsters and filling up my inbox with pictures of babies wearing bibs and booties. My friend’s most recent creation is especially fugly, I’m afraid. But, she’ll go on thinking he/she (I can’t really tell) is the most adorable baby in the world and all her friends will pretend he is too. Because really, who wants to piss off a new mommy.
Wrinkled fat faces, bobble eyed, drooling and dripping from all orifices. When your baby starts talking and stops leaking, he or she will turn adorable, but before then they’re pretty much just a blob of lard that screams and produces unspeakable amounts of fecal matter.
Don’t get me wrong, if you were to post photos of your baby doing awesome things like riding the family dog like a bull or driving a car, I wouldn’t mind so much. But buying a bib with frogs on it is not a reason for sending me a dozen more photos.
Not only are they ugly but they’re boring too. They can’t catch a football or help me throw rocks at cars. They don’t play video games, text message or give me money. All it does is sit there like a sack of potatoes. It’s not that your baby is boring, it’s that all babies are boring. When/if I have a baby, it will be boring too.
Are any of my friends going to a cool concert or sporting event? I don’t know, because your fat baby is in the way. Have any of my friends commented on my photos or profile on MySpace or Facebook? I don’t know, because you dressed your baby in a hat and uploaded 90 photos of it. Are my friends reading my blog? No, because it's not that good... wait, that's not where I was going with this.
Anyways, please don’t think that I hate children. I have a lot of respect for people who won’t make fun of me for thinking peanut butter sandwiches and otter pops are a complete meal or giving me shit for leaving the lights on or building forts out of couch cushions. Just don’t ask me to babysit them.