It started with "jip." At least that's how I thought it was spelled. "$40 for a t-shirt? What a jip!" I didn't know "jip" or "gyp" was actually referring to a "gypsy" until my Hungarian boyfriend, Walraven van Nijmegan, with real live Gypsies in his family brought it to my attention. Apparently, the word has something to do with the stereotypes that gypsies are adept at cheating people - thus the potential for offense. "Whateva," I told him and then I dumped his ass.
I use the word bastard on occasion, jokingly of course. I called my Russian boyfriend, Vladislav Yegor, a bastard one night when we were playing Halo. It turns out he really was a bastard. He said, "You had to go there, didn't you?" His biological father was married to some other woman besides his mom. I accidentally called his father a bastard for doing that. He got upset again. I guess his father was a bastard too. He was too sensitive for me so I threw his ass out. No greencard for you, sucka.
Then came the term "Oi Vey." I was never a big fan of this term, it sounds too Yiddish to me and I hate the Yids. My friend Jamie use to say it all the time cause he's from Minnesota and talks funny. So I said it this once to my Chinese boyfriend, Kevin Johnson. That's his American name, his real name is in some weird scribbly language, i don't know it. He is really smart and told me that it is generally a term used to express exasperation, and it shouldn't be used like, "Oi Vey, that was rad!" I didn't like that he corrected me so I sent his ass back to Japan.
Oh yes, and then there was my friend Honesto from the Philippines. He is very gay. We were watching Project Runway one night and I made the statement, "Change the channel, this show is gay." He thought it was hilarious but his partner, Joselito, was horrified. I felt bad for a split second then kicked his ass to the curb. Honesto said he was too short for him anyways. Honesto is cool.
I saw that George Bush used the term "Maroon" to describe something. I don't know what it was, I'm sure he didn't either, but it sounded cool. It's from this Bushism calendar my co-worker has. We have a good laugh making fun of him every morning. Anyhow, I called my French boyfriend, Jean-Pierre, a maroon once. I think I called the FedEx dude that too. Whoops. I didn't realize it was a racist slam. Apparently, it is used in the former French Colonies for mixed blood slaves. What I didn't realize is he was pissed off because I quoted Bush and not actually calling him a maroon. I told him I understand. But then I thought long and hard about the fact he was French, and how my fellow Americans look down on that so I had to release him. Besides, Je deteste la nourriture francaise. Oh, my deepest apologies to President Keilani and FedEx dude.